Lines of defense

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It was one of those nights... I came home, angry , tired, sad and hungry. I transferred all the good stuff from the fridge, the freezer and the pantry to the table, and prepared for a serious binge. I thought a little about the tactics: "I'll have this first, that next, and the other on top..." And then I just saw myself... and laughed out loud : I was building lines of defense. It was ridiculous. There was no way I could defend myself with plates of food against the changes, problems or people in my life.

It was about a year ago. Now I'm 33 lbs lighter. I've changed and let go of some lines of defense. And as a result I have  lost some layers around my waist, so now I can move freely. I removed the fat mask from my face, and now you can see an unsuppressed emotion in my expression and a spark in my eyes. I stopped using hoards of overprotective words and now you can hear what I'm saying.

That new person you see is not someone new. I've been here all along. I just was hiding behind the lines of defense. I tried but it did not work. So I decided to show up. I'm here. Live with me.

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