how to eat when you have to

We cleaned, scraped, boiled water and poured it on shiny surfaces. We breathed the poisonous fumes from the self-cleaning oven. We sold our rice and beans and cereal. We finished our scotch, vodka an beer and did not buy more. We've thrown away loads of stuff we called food a week ago. And with sundown we lit the candle and searched for last bits and pieces of imperfection symbolized by Chametz. And then we said phrase in arameic that I would translate as follows:  "We tried hard. We did all we could. But we're not perfect. So just love us the way we are now and take us up and out" Happy Passover!

It was one of those nights... I came home, angry , tired, sad and hungry. I transferred all the good stuff from the fridge, the freezer and the pantry to the table, and prepared for a serious binge. I thought a little about the tactics: "I'll have this first, that next, and the other on top..." And then I just saw myself... and laughed out loud : I was building lines of defense. It was ridiculous. There was no way I could defend myself with plates of food against the changes, problems or people in my life. It was about a year ago. Now I'm 33 lbs lighter. I've changed and let go of some lines of defense. And as a result I have  lost some layers around my waist, so now I can move freely. I removed the fat mask from my face, and now you can see an unsuppressed emotion in my expression and a spark in my eyes. I stopped using hoards of overprotective words and now you can hear what I'm saying. That new person you see is not someone new. I've been here all a

Do you know the adrenaline rush you feel while punching someone in a face? Time is slowing up, blood pumping... All martial arts training is about building you up for this unnatural action. But there's always an option not to punch. You can kick, you can push, bite, pinch, throw small things and hit with heavy things. You can run away , cry, collapse, stop breathing. You can talk, smile, tickle or give a kiss. Whatever you feel like. If it's the honest fight they want then the honest fight they're gonna get. Be brutally honest. What do you REALLY want to do?

 I love movies but for me the Oscars are about recognition and love and saying thanks. "I want to thank the Academy ..." The Oscars are about overpowering emotions, but I always felt that the intensity comes not from being in a spotlight and not from getting ahead, but from the realization that saying thanks is important. YOU are important. Your work, your love, your appreciation are important. Somehow they are validated by being in a spotlight, by holding to a shiny little idol, by winning. But what about the other nominees? How about the 'losers' who prepared their little acceptance speeches and but did not win? Did they stop being thankful? Did they throw away their thank-you lists or kept them for the next competition? My kids take a little long to shower. Not because they are neat freaks but because the glass door gets foggy, so they can scribble something like :"you're the best daddy ever I love you" and draw flowers and hearts and puppies a

A year and 30 lbs ago I was starting to run 5K on a race track. It was tough. The voices in my head would try to convince me to stop it, to run faster, to run less , to run more. Then I would think of something simple to say to myself to quiet the voices. At first it was "Even if it kills me", then I thought of something less radical. I would repeat the lap number. "5 to go" or even more optimistic: "doing the 7th". Now it got warmer, and I'm running again. I don't have to repeat any mantras now. I look at the trees, I see the sky changing colors, the sun setting.  I breathe. I'm not competing. I'm not "doing cardio". I'm not "burning fat".  I just run. I like it.

Shut up and breathe. I choose what goes into my mouth. I choose what comes out. I won't starve. I will be heard. I don't have to eat junk. I don't need to say anything. Only if I want to. Only if it's good for me. - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

How much do you weigh? How much do you bench? What's your test coverage? How much was your bonus this year? These are popular metrics. But are they important questions? Are you fit to live your life? Are you making progress or inviting injury? Are you moving too fast? Is your design useful? Is your software maintainable? Are you happy at work? These are important questions, but they are harder to measure. So we give up. And we obsess over metrics we don't understand to answer questions that don't matter. Or we refuse to measure at all, because answering irrelevant questions is beneath us. And then we end up in a place we don't like with too much time wasted and not enough energy to get out. I say: start small. Pick something. Measure something. Do it every day. Do it for a while.  Enough to gather personal statistics. Enough to build a habit of non-competitive measuring. And then invent a better metric. And start measuring something else that matters to YOU.

On Friday I spotted a Palm billboard advertisement: "Life Moves Fast. Don't miss a thing" It got me thinking... Of course it moves fast. Of course you'll miss a thing or two. Or two gazillion things. Actually, you SHOULD miss them. You'll be better off this way. As long as you know what matters to you. Because you won't miss a thing from this short list, Palm or no Palm.